23 April 2008

The disappointment and anguish! I saw my heros use their magical prowess to perform at an open blues night at the Cosmopolitan Grill in Taipei. Their show was good, but the protestations of the host that they were, and I quote "disturbing," and that they "played too long and other people came here to play." I care not of these other people. Their simple twelve bar compositions cannot stand up to the sensoral onslaught of Eddie Bruce, Jr. and Jimi Ukulele.

15 April 2008
Jimi Ukulele drank three cups up coffee and was finishing his fourth when, at fourteen minutes after eleven in the morning, he leapt from his chair in the outdoor seating of the Hooters, Taipei Family Restaurant. The very friendly, and, as I may say, scantily clad waitress told me that Mr. Ukulele ran east on Nan Jing East Road. I do not know why. Despite my honed tracking skills, I could not locate him in the crowded streets of Taipei, however, I am suing the taxi company for damages to my bicycle. Oh justice, please find me in Asia.

10 April 2008
After freeing my compatriot, Mr. Frank Lee, from incarceration, he, Helga and I returned to Taipei with our legs between our tails. I located Mr. Ukulele's hotel and returned to secretly photographing him while he showered. Mr. Lee is franticly in search of Eddie Bruce Jr's domicile, but as yet to no avail. Helga has taken a job in a pleasant barber shop on Min Quan East Road. I don't understand the terms of her employment, in that she does not actually cut hair.

8 April 2008
There is much news. I did it. I got Mr. Bruce Jr.'s autograph. Admitted, it is a credit card slip found in a gas station garbage can after following Mr. Ukulele's van from the port town of Kaohsiung to the beaches of Kenting. On 5 April, Mr.'s Jr. and Ukulele refueled near the town of Kanding. I do not know why they would use such similar names so close together, but they did. At some point, my good friend and co-conspirator, Frank Lee leapt from my moving car screaming something about bats. I did not understand his hysteria, however, I am sure his mother did not nurse him nearly enough as a child.

4 April 2008
At 0800 I arrive in Taipei via high speed train. At 1100, my mark, Mr. Frank Lee, broke his guise as a Taipei Main Station janitor and presented me with the kisses of freedom and redemption on each cheek, and the kiss of love on the lips. I was aroused but did not want to alarm Helga. We boarded our train for the southern city of Kaohsiung at 1800. There was a ruckus in the cabin as an unknown assailant planted an ordorific explosive device in the form of a three-week-old container of dried squid and kung pao chicken. The journey begins!

21 March 2008
This morning, via registered courier, I recieved word of Eddie Bruce Jr. in an upcoming festival on the island of Taiwan. I booked a flight itinerary through an unnamed travel agent to Taipei. From there, I will utilize Taiwan's highly revered train system to go to the southern port city of Kaohsiung. On April 6th, in Kenting, we will see whose love is strongest!

18 March 2008
My meager computer skills have improved. I now have a blog about the things I would do for the greatest band of all time, Eddie Bruce Jr.

16 March 2008
I have been in deep cover, staking out the East Berlin Haagen Dazs where Mr. Bruce Jr. was last seen enjoying a cookies and cream sundae. I wonder, who is this man of mystery? I wait and I wait. If there is no contact made in a fortnight, I will return to the tree in front of Jimi Ukulele's manor. I love Eddie Bruce Jr. so, yet, it is a bittersweet unrequited love. One that is as much a source of hollow loneliness and the glow of human kindness. Oh, please, Mr. Bruce Jr. If you can read this, I am at the Haagen Dazs on Kaiser Wilhelm Strasse just south of the Brandenburg Tor. Please, come to me.

13 March 2008
Today I am feeling a bit saucy. I have decided to take holiday from the normal routine for a refreshing look into the very soul of Mr. Bruce, Jr. He is a very private, mysterious man of questionable means and even more questionable taste. I may not report for a while, as not many have had the pleasure to make Mr. Bruce Jr.'s acquaintance and lived to tell the tale. We will see how far foolish pride will push me on this occasion.

8 March 2008
Today Jimi Ukulele is in intense preparations for tonight's performance. He foresook the ritual slaughter of spring lambs that we embraced in my homeland, but was seen sabotaging the actions of the corporate police state for the betterment of all.

7 March 2008
This morning, Jimi Ukulele woke up at 8:45, but seemed agitated. He did not have his coffee until 10:00. I could not see him in any of the windows between ten and twelve, I am left to imagine what he was doing. I must one day place cameras in his house to better monitor his activities. Sometimes even the great ones need supervision and motivation. I followed him for much of the afternoon. I think he ate a bagel and what looked to be cream cheese for lunch. He then read the newspaper for twelve minutes, at which point he had a rendezvous with a homeless man asking him for change. He did not give the man any money. Then, he went to the reichstag and complained of the injustices of humanity. His complaints fell on deaf ears. How I cry. How I cry.